Unthinking
by Kichigai Hi
Summary: It was grief. It was pride. It was ecstasy. Different sentiments for totally different lives. But what do Aang, Zuko, and Azula have in common? They’ve all been unthinking. A trilogy of drabbles.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender or "30 Minutes" by Tatu.

_Italics... inspired by "30 Minutes"_

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Unthinking.

For some it was rare, others second nature. At times it proved light-hearted, and at others brash. How could it be that such a thing would ruin the lives of some as they knew it, and for others reveal to be the miracle for which they'd been anticipating all of their harsh lives? What if those that these actions scorned ended up blessed in the long run; if they had not done so, would others who'd been rewarded by their sudden decision be stripped of their joy? But if they hadn't made those mistakes... would such a consolation have been needed?

At any given point in time, it seemed destiny always had two paths. You always knew which one you chose... but what if another had been taken? If you could go back and do it all over again, would the pain be enough to deter you from your first choice? Or maybe the good that had come of it would persuade you to undertake the hardship again. Some people abhorred that first road taken, others wouldn't turn their back on it for their life. Then, there were yet more people that contemplated the thought and wondered...

----- _Regretful_

He sat on the window ledge watching the torrents of hail and sleet batter the worn crags of the mountain. The stone walls remembered this scene from years ago... before all of this change and destruction. The silent musings of a boy of past still echoed between them, as the fate of the world hung in the balance. The deciding point was approaching. It was time to choose.

_You're out of time..._

_Decide._

How long did he wait there, trying to figure out what was best? In the end, it didn't matter. The results had been the same...

_May as well have been the blink of an eye._

So he finally left the scroll on the bed, embracing what he would face as the storm raged outside. But, then again, he could never really know what would befall him.

_I'm sorry..._

Words he wished they could have been there to hear. Would he have made a difference? At the time, he could do nothing but deal with the consequences -- consequences of an instinctual reaction -- but what about now? Would he have changed what he had done, for a second chance at the life he had left so long ago? To turn back time on that _stupid _thing he'd done? As he sat there, he felt the pressures of all of his old duty burden his shoulders and he was no longer the hero of the world with a girl that he loved --

He was a twelve-year-old monk who'd just had his own world destroyed.

If he were to run away, he would be forced to endure the pain of a lost family -- a lost race. He would be alone in his ways, not there to fight for his loved ones or die along with them as the onslaught of soldiers burnt his culture to the ground. No matter what other happiness would come his way, that hurt would still reside within him. Possibly no longer throwing guilty stabs at his heart... but still throbbing... eating away at him until he found solace in another who could replace his lost soul bit by bit... by bit...

And then, came the chance of staying. The chance of hearing the reassuring words which would have fallen on worried ears, had they not already fled. Being there to defend those whom he held dearest above all and being there for a world who had not yet known the curses of war. Even if he had died in the process, his successor would still have come about more quickly than he had been awakened from his prison; the casualties and losses wouldn't have been so innumerable... unforgiveable...

But what about the shining blue eyes who had held him up even when he had told himself it wasn't worth it to go on? Had he chosen that other road, he would never know of her... he would go on as blindly as a fool who sees not what could have been, never imagining that he had been deprived of their love and warmth. He would never feel the pain of loss...

But not a single notion of death or heartbreak would keep him from making the same decision all over again. It was worth it... right?

He wished that he knew what would have awaited him had he not flown off that night. He wished that he could say that he knew exactly what he'd been doing when he wrote his last words to his mentor and friend and stole away in the dead of life's storm. Alas, he could not but savor what life had given him as he dwelled in the memories of those he had lost... and of those he had gained.

Because it was better to have both than just one... better to love and lose than to never have loved at all...

Yet, the facts remained the same: Had the near future been revealed to him at that desperate time and he had sincerely weighed his options, he would surely have stayed in that room and never dreamed of leaving his friends and teachers. He'd never know the joys of having made a _mistake._.. because no matter what he thought of now, no matter how long he'd hesitated, his mind had been made up. No matter how long it had taken to execute this blessing in disguise...

It had still been unthinking.

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So. Basically this is me being overly philosophical. ;) It's been written for a long time now but I wanted to finish the trilogy (yes, there are two more). Ok, so I didn't finish the last one but it's almost there. Anyway.

Hope you enjoyed!


	2. Chapter 2

----- _Confused_

The feel of icy gold beneath his fingertips would have been rewarding and comforting at some points in his life. This was not one of them. The glory of sitting regally on such a throne slipped through the cracks and the desire of long ago to feel this power of royalty vanished before his eyes. Now, he couldn't even tell himself that he'd been looking forward to _this _when he'd made his choice, couldn't say that even though he'd been disappointed, he had thought of having all of this. He couldn't.

Because he hadn't thought of anything at all.

He could still see the silent face of the man who had guided him all of his life screaming unheard words... before he'd turned around and simply left.

_Surely hiding for the rest of his life._

Where was he going? As his feet led him away he couldn't help but feel as if something was missing.

_Out of sight, out of mind_

Somehow, the memories of past were unimportant when compared the the monumental decision that weighed in his mind. The one person that had changed everything was trapped behind him. And he never looked back. Protection and offense were instinctual -- _she _was the person who could restore what he wanted the most and _he _was threatening that possibility. Gaining his honor was foolproof -- no matter what happened he would be safe within the arms of his country... if he stayed... he could _lose. What if he failed? _Something he had always ended up doing before.

It appeared that the young prince had an uncanny knack for bringing such things upon himself... some had happened because he unthinkingly stood up for what he believed... others because he defended what he was supposed to -- expected to believe. Yet either way, the line between them had blurred over time and wrong and right were no longer two distinct sides of a coin. The face of his enemy had the comfort of his friend; should he ignore the face and believe the compassion? Or was it all a hoax... but the familiar, loving visages haunted him the most. The ones that he had turned his back on; the ones who would turn their backs on him during a dark, nightmarish slumber.

But none of that mattered. All he knew was that he had to get out of there... he wasn't meant to live like this.

The mirror on the dresser watched him, shaking as he rummaged through the various drawers in the blackened hue of a room. A bag was set upon a table and numerous articles thrown into it before he slammed the doors shut and looked up into the mirror to a face he hadn't seen in years.

The half-bandaged head of a crestfallen prince whose three-year fool's errand would destroy the boy he had been and cause his life to take a drastic turn for the worse. Cause him to forget about his previous life and reject the humanity that had been born into his heart. Cause him to believe that he was simply better off alone. Cause him to be the one to watch helplessly as his uncle fell to the ground from his neice's perfect shot, watch hopelessly as he cried out to the heavens.

_Crying in the profusion of rain... as if it were crying itself._

He shook his head of the horrid memories -- all he wanted to do was get away, because in an instant, it no longer mattered where he was going. A spur of the moment decision to leave everything behind and follow his heart as opposed to giving in to the pressures of his immediate family seemed perfect... seemed like destiny... and then he abruptly stopped. Because it really did matter where he was going.

_Just a moment it takes..._

No longer could he afford to make mindless decisions that had ruined him and others at every major stage in his life.

_To make plans or mistakes._

He deliberately grasped his sack, slinging it over one shoulder in the dark warmth of the room. His mind was made up. He stole out of the room knowing that this time, he would make things right... the ever-present mirror the only testament to the mysterious disappearance of the Fire Lord's son, just as another relative had done so many years before. The trials of his life were over now. He had a new chance and he had no choice but to make the most of it.

_Either way, options change_

The wreck he had caused would force him to take a new route...

_Chances fail, trains derail..._

And for this, he was more than ready.


	3. Chapter 3

Yay! I actually finished a trilogy! I dunno where these came from really... but I'm glad they're finally done. I've had this here a while... never uploaded it. (shrug)

Ah, well. I hope some people enjoy it at least, because I had fun writing them. This one is set in CoD. So maybe I don't really think Azula was unthinking... but it's fun to try and convince someone she was. ;)

* * *

----- _Sarcastic_

_You're out of time to decide_

But she no longer had to.

Her instincts were locked up in the raw power of the moment, but her mind was busy calculating... gauging whatever needed to be taken into account. It was incredible, she had to admit, the way the light had enraptured all the souls of the room as a small figure rose...

_The backdrop as stark as if he were a silhouette in the night sky..._

Of course, that had no importance, though. She had a duty to fulfill, and nothing was going to stand in the way of that. Nothing ever did. She could see her victory resting in the boy who was threatening their smooth path to domination. Instead of seeing the young soul who had given up his love for a chance of survival...

_Her eyes had shaped him into her glorious key to success._

Long ago, it had actually mattered that real people were investing their lives in this war; at one time, it would have seemed dishonorable to strike down an enemy without a proper fight... but, since then, it appeared as if she had suffered from a strange lapsus memoriae.

Honor? What was that?

Honor meant standing up for one's people. Honor was the driving force to reach that divine victorious glory... and honor would stop at nothing to achieve it. She knew that the Avatar was an immensely dangerous and vengeful being, and that no one would be able to take him down in a fair fight. She knew that even she might not be able to defeat him... and for a split second... that _scared _her. Soon, though, it became simply amusing to watch the awed faces of her allies and it was downright pathetic to see that waterbender place in that small child all of her pride and joy and trust that he would make everything work out for them. The poor girl never saw it coming.

Serves her right.

Because that powerful being could still be stabbed in the back.

And so that's what she did... and that's when she woke up from this powerful dream.

As the Avatar began his headlong descent toward the faraway ground, she began to truly contemplate on what she had done. Everything -- everything that she had wished for had occurred just before her eyes. She had killed the spirit of the Earth in a single shot. She couldn't say that she hadn't been mulling over those things which led her to fire that perfect blast, oh yes, she had... but how much of it was cold determination... and how much was the unnerving, drugging relish of pure _control_?

When all was said and done, even the master of lies couldn't tell herself that the rush of adrenaline down her spine, the crisp dawn of realization when she caught her opportunity, and that dark smirk of delicious victory were triggered by an emotionless essence within her. They were distinctly vigorous and foreign to her senses although her lips were not unfamiliar with smiles and her skin with that delectable tingle. Somehow, though, it felt strange... as if another entity had taken over her being in order to deliver the final blow...

As if she weren't in control at all. As if that entity was nothing more than simple ecstasy... and maybe that's exactly what it was. Joy for finally ridding herself of the Fire Nation's threat -- _her _threat, and the rushing need to get it all over with and feel that long-awaited release. No, feelings like this were far from the neutral, logical mindframes which tended to rule her reasoning... they were different: spontaneous and dangerous. She liked that.

Yet, she couldn't help but notice the slight voice that called to her at the back of her mind. The voice that told her that for once, she hadn't been thoughtful and free of emotion. How could she have pride of herself as someone so rational...

If her greatest feat of all time had been unthinking?


End file.
